you just never know

what life holds in store for you. The very reason I divorced hubby number 1: I (merely) thought he was running around on me. The saddest truth I've ever encountered in a way- if we had merely discussed it, things might have worked out differently.
The second saddest truth I've encountered so far: the man I'm with now- has 2 of us, and that's fine with me. Where the sad comes in- right now he's doing the happy dance because she gets to come tomorrow instead of waiting until saturday. Truth to tell- I have a broken arm and aint much good to him. The most hurtful part of this- he'll tell me, "i want to help you get off... i want to make you come" when the truth is, he just doesn't Want me right now. Says it's cause he's afraid he'll hurt me- that might be true. but Another part of the truth is that i'm just not doing ...whatever it is he wants to turn him on. even when I try what I know has worked in the past- nada, zilch.
and to hell with the sex- i want to FEEL WANTED. I want a hug for no reason, a kiss for no reason, i just want ....assurance.
yep, i''m right in the damned middle of a pity party.
I just can't stand this. The broken arm is bad enough. But for him to suddenly jjust quit wanting me- it's a bit much to bear. He does everything- always very considerate. Even said the dreaded, "I made a committment to you- that includes the good and the bad." Well, that's all well and good, but I just can't stand the thought that that's the only reason for all this. I still want him to WANT me.
Today, he jumped for joy at the thought that i was leaving tomorrow to go to the daughters- he's ALWAYS before told me that Friday was not the day she was coming. Within ...three minutes of him "misunderstanding what I meant he attacked his phone to text and tell her come TOMORROW!!! SHE WONT BE HERE! HOUSE TO OURSELVES! At least that's the impression I got. I had to even ask for a goodnight kiss. Almost didn't even get a kiss when he left for work. What's a girl to think.
I just don't know. NOW, he's sleeping like a baby knowing tomorrow he'll have one that'll turn him every way but loose. Meanwhile- "I want to help you get some to." That's one helluva far cry from WANTING me. I feel like i'm being punished. I feel like I'm in the way.
I don't know what to do. I've done everything but rub my coochie in his face. My guess- he'd tell me to stop that he's afraid he'd hurt me.
I'm miserable. I could go in there right now, wake him up and say, "sweetieeeeee make love to me pleeeeeease" and he probably would- but it wouldn't be because he wanted to. THATS the part that hurts so bad!!!!!!!!!!