Now, last text I got said and I quote," I won't do anything to upset u right now ur call not mine I'll be home later." To which I replied- Ditto. I knew when I saw "tonight" replaced with later that he'd made his mind up.
I really am ok with him being with her now- it nearly KILLED me in the beginning. It obviously doesn't effect how he feels about me though- Whatever the hell that is, I'm just still not comfortable seeing it happen.
That's why I opted to go spend the weekend with Michelle- I could tell something was up from some cooky little comments he'd been making that he 1. was tired of being just nursemaid, 2. missed her company, and 3. wanted a little distance between us.
I don't mind, and can really understand all the above- I wish I could do/be more than I am, I don't like to feel like I'm taking advantage of his ...feelings for me, good nature, whatever you want to call it.
AT THE SAME TIME, I suppose I'm feeling more ...female... (said with a wee bit of disgust) than I like to admit. I never knew a broken bone could cause such damned insecure, vulnerable, weak, ugly, ....all the bad things feelings. I feel absolutely no good to anyone at the moment.
And Joe is having to deal with the brunt of all my ....shit at the moment.
I kind of hope he DOES stay away today to- it'll do him good!
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